How to gain uncommon skills of communication, watching others

With whom you communicate more, with the gadgets or with people? Skill of communication can be perfected not only interacting with people, but also watching them. The former agent of FBI, the specialist in the behavioural analysis, Jack Shafer in the book "We Include Charm by a Technique of Intelligence Services" tells about verbal and nonverbal friendly and hostile signals which will tell a lot of things about degree of friendship and proximity between people. And if you know how to distinguish, will be able to send also right signals and to increase the skill of communication.

Observe and study

When the person in ears has earphones and he drives a finger on the screen of the smartphone or the tablet, it is impossible to send to people around friendly signals. Moreover, it is the signals speaking about absence to communicate. How without personal live interaction with other people to learn skill of communication? Much can learn, simply watching behavior of others!

And is not difficult to learn it at all. Go to cafe or restaurant, sit down at a little table and observe. Seventy percent of all information given by people each other are transferred to time of absorption of food. Look narrowly at couples and try to understand, what relations between them developed. Do it not only intuitively, but also analyze signals of their nonverbal communication.

Love relations

It is almost possible to determine by nonverbal behavior of the man and woman with absolute confidence, they consist in the love relations or not. And the first sign — lovers hold hands. The bound fingers of hands speak about high intensity of the relations. A texture of fingers with the partner's fingers — one of the most intimate types of a touch.

Usually at a table the man and the woman make some actions: first, eliminate barriers on a table, resolutely shifting a vase, the menu or a saltcellar from the center on edge; secondly, show an active mimicry, including game by eyebrows; thirdly, more long, than usually, look at each other; fourthly, smile and laugh; fifthly, bow on one side; sixthly, sit, having moved the case towards each other; seventhly, unconsciously copy gestures and the movements of each other; eighthly, hold hands; ninthly, it is free, actively talk and gesticulate; in - the tenth, sometimes whisper something on an ear, letting know people around that the third in their conversation — superfluous; in - the eleventh, eat from plates of each other or feed each other.

Observe couples at restaurant, it is fascinating.

Intense relations

Tension in the relations too is rather obvious. In this case between the man and the woman there are no those nonverbal signals which by all means are at good relations. For example, talking, they look not at each other, and in plates or on the parties. They have compelled, false smiles. The head is held directly, but without having inclined on one side. These people do not bend each other towards and do not copy gestures of each other. Sit, having leaned back on backs of chairs as if try to be removed as it is possible further. And between them on a table hundred barriers - plates, cups, the menu, vases, phones, laptops...

Dissonance in the relations

It is easy to notice dissonance when one of couple shows to another genuine interest, expressing it involuntary nonverbal means, and the second behaves with cold indifference. The interested person shows all signs of love which are listed above whereas his partner literally radiates negative (hostile) nonverbal signals.

Quiet confidence

Couples which lived many years in happy marriage often behave in such a way that their behavior can be interpreted as a signal of that the relations deteriorated. The people living nearby many years are sure of devotion of the partner. They do not need constant reminders on it. They are quiet and very comfortably feel with each other because treachery or change are not afraid. Supervision over such mature couples gives me improbable pleasure, thus even the impression of a miracle is made.

It is also interesting to watch the relations between the businessmen concluding the bargain, the man and the woman with whom he tries to get acquainted, or the friends who ran to eat or drink. Sense of this occupation — in observation sharpening, cognition of natural nonverbal behavior at communication and acquisition of ability to interpret human behavior. After sufficient practice you will finish ability to estimate to automatism, so, and will gain uncommon skills of communication.

The features of behavior indicating existence or absence of mutual trust

Be trained

1. Find at least 5 friendly signals between these two people:
2. As if you described the relations of these two? Prove the answer, having specified nonverbal behavioural signals:
3. Difficult question! Who dominates in the relations — the man or the woman? Explain the answer on the basis of nonverbal signals.

On materials of the book "We Include Charm by a Technique of Intelligence Services".